what did u want to be when u grew up?

watching the mark twain prize celebrating tina fey.

there are few celebrities i idolize. tina fey and margaret cho are the top two. funny beautiful and not a size zero, these are women i aspire to be. before self esteem and pre adolescene and the cruelty of teenage girls, when i was in elementary school, i went to this summer school called college for kids that took place at the community college. kids took two classes. i always took acting. but i thought i sucked so i dont think i ever wanted to seriously pursue acting, but i did like performing. one year we did some play where i played one of the main lawyers and i had such a great time i told myself i wanted to be a lawyer because that seemed like acting, just more well paid and a lot more respected. my favorite show at the time was matlock. i told my best friend at the time that i wanted to be a lawyer when i grew up and she pretty much told me that i shouldnt because i was horrible at arguing. that conversation killed that dream. when i was ten, my grandparents put a tv in my bedroom, so my favorite shows were jerry springer and snl. so began my love affair with insomnia, transsexuals and the dream of growing up and becoming a writer of snl. this was back when snl was funny by the way.

i held on to that dream for a long time but didnt really tell anyone because whenever i did tell anyone of my career aspirations they would tell me what a horrible idea that was.

in college, i was high and told my roommate about my big dreams and he said "well maybe not snl. maybe mad tv." ugh biggest insult of my life.

but yeah. tina fey is my hero.

she gives me hope that i can at least put in an effort to try to aspire for greatness.