the lesson in pain

what really defines a person as an artist?

no matter what the medium, id like to think that whatever art i create is a form of self expression that connects emotionally with another person. so is my desire to be more artistic just a primal instinct to be more connected and assertive with the world. probably.

im reading this book that has really put things into perspective. thats not to say i still wont make the same mistake that ive made in the past, but not only am i aware of my pattern a lot quicker but im also to associate and attach it some kind of traumatic dysfunctional childhood experience. i am relooking at things and attempting to make sense of things i really didnt think were all that significant. there are still major gaps in the timeline of my life and it feels like there are major pieces im missing or am in denial about.

i am willing to look at it, though, and i am willing to attempt to do things differently because i have a small piece of hope that things can be.

and its kind of annoying that wherever i go, the answer seems to be acceptance, grattitude and spirituality. so despite hearing things for the millionth time, i still seem to forget and struggle with all three principles.

for the most part. last year sucked. but theres really nowhere to go but up in the new year.

i wish every day was friday.